What Ifs
by thatgirlwholaughsalot
Summary: Peeta asks Katniss a simple question, and she entertains the possibilities of what would have happened between them without the Games- a world where they still end up together against all odds. An Everlark fic. Need a BETA.


We're in bed, about to fall alseep when Peeta begins stroking my hair tentatively and nervously.

Even after all this time, he loves seeing it down.

"Katniss," he says softly, "What do you think would have happened if we wouldn't have been in the Games?"

I'm surprised because I know what he really means. _What would have happened between us if we wouldn't have been in the Games?_

Of course, there are other implications to his question altogether. _Would the Capitol still be in power? Would Prim and his family still be alive?_

Those are questions nonetheless, but I know what he really means. _Would we still be married? Would we still have fallen in love? What about Gale?_

I flip over and face him, brushing those blond waves falling in his face. "I don't know, Peeta. What do you think?"

He holds my gaze, staring intently into my eyes. "Sometimes... I wonder. I wonder what would have happened if I wasn't reaped and if Prim wasn't either. I wonder if I ever would have gathered the courage to talk to you. I wonder if you would've rejected my advances if I ever did. I wonder if we would've fallen in love or gotten married. I wonder about Gale and how he would've factored into our relationship. I wonder if the uprising would have happened."

He looks wistful, but I don't say anything because I already know the answer.

Peeta didn't talk to me for eleven years. What were the chances that he would've talked to me without the Games?

I brushed off advances from multiple Seam boys who wanted to go to the slag heap with me or on a date. The chances of me rejecting his advances were high _if _he ever talked to me which was highly unlikely.

The chances of us falling in love or getting married without the Games are probably as close to zero as possible.

I'm not entirely sure about Gale because I was so sure I'd never get married and even more sure I'd never have kids, but I'm sure that before I met Peeta, if I was going to marry someone, it was going to be Gale.

The uprising probably would've happened anyways. They could have found another mockingjay or symbol of the rebellion even if I'd never been in the Games. Although... the uprising might have occurred differently- at a different time and a different place aside from District 13.

Peeta's what ifs and maybes upset me because I can't afford to think like that. I think in what really happened, what is, and what will be.

When my father died, I never once thought _what would have happened if he was too sick to go to work that day? _

I was so preoccupied with trying to put food on the table for Prim, my mother, and myself to entertain such thoughts.

When Prim was reaped and I volunteered, I never once thought _what would have happened if Effie's hand picked another name out of the reaping bowl?_

I was so preoccupied with preparing myself to survive the Games.

When I found out how angry the Capitol was about the berries, I never once thought _what would have happened if one of us had just eaten those berries? _

In my mind, what's done is done and there's no practicality in entertaining the what ifs and maybes.

Besides, the idea that somehow, somewhere, there's a universe where everything happened with less people getting hurt or dying can be dangerous.

Peeta coughs once and I realize he is still waiting on my answer, so I smile at him and say, "I'm sure we would have found a way to be together somehow."

Peeta laughs nervously. "You've always been such a terrible liar, Katniss."

I scowl at him, but his eyes soften at me. "Do you think it's wrong that I think that even if things would have happened differently, we'd still end up together right here right now?"

I shake my head earnestly at him. It's more my skepticism than anything else. "Of course I don't think so, Peeta. It would've been a longshot, but anything's possible, right?"

Peeta nods and kisses me on the nose. "I had five slips out of thousands, and I still got reaped. What do you think the chances were of that?"

I entertain the thought and realize he's right. Five slips out of thousands meant his chances of being reaped were virtually nonexistent compared to mine, and yet it happened.

"Prim had only one. Compared to my twenty, she had virtually no chance of getting reaped," I offer.

"And yet it happened," he says sadly, "What were the chances of us winning the Games? _Together_?"

I try and remember the opening bet numbers on us. They were good after we got our training scores, but before that they were low. For the first time ever, that year Haymitch brought home a pair of tributes. "I guess close to nonexistent," I say matter-of-factly.

"The chances of me recovering from the tracker jacking were probably low too," Peeta whispers sadly, "we're always beating the odds. So maybe the chances of us falling in love without the Games weren't that bad after all."

I allow myself to consider the possibility and realize that he's right. The idea of me falling in love with _Peeta Mellark _was once an idea about as likely as me replacing Snow as President of Panem and yet it happened.

I laugh a little, "I guess so."

Peeta's muscles relax. "That makes me feel a little better- like we were destined to be, you know?"

I catch my breath for a second before agreeing wholeheartedly. Throughout our journey, the odds were completely against us, and we still ended up together- right here right now. That had to count for something.

Peeta sighs happily, "Sometimes I think of a million other universes. One where we go to the Games, one where we don't. One where you get captured by the Capitol instead of me, one where we both get rescued by the rebels..."

I cut Peeta off, "You and I are probably dead in all the universes except this one," I point out.

"Maybe," he says, "Maybe we are in some. Maybe in others things happened differently and we still ended up together. Maybe we didn't in others. The idea that we still could have been happy together in at least one other universe comforts me."

I understand what he means. Getting Peeta to recover from the tracker jacking was difficult and took years before he finally sorted out every last shiny image. Sometimes we have nightmares about the Games so terrifying and _real. _Sometimes Peeta reminds me that there is no such thing as the Hunger Games anymore and we could have children and I tell him I don't want any which ensues an argument, and yet despite all the struggle, we're happy.

We're together.

I hear Peeta's soft and steady breathing and realize he's asleep, comforted by the idea that in another universe, there's another Katniss and Peeta who had a life different from ours and still ended up together.

I suppress a yawn and realize that I must be falling asleep too. I roll over and allow myself to entertain the idea that maybe there are other universes, and despite all the odds against us, Peeta and I might still have ended up together.


End file.
